Sierra and John
Sierra and John are two pretty amazing people that love each other a bit and this is their blog. You can contact them by emailing Sierra at sierraelizabeth@mac.com.
Awful Dream
I had an awful dream. I had a dream that there was some kind of horrific accident on campus (earthquakes and tornadoes and other crazy stuff) and I was looking everywhere for John. I couldn’t find him but I found some of his friends. When I asked them if they knew where he was they looked away and wouldn’t answer me. I assumed he was dead or something but then one of them finally told me that he left to go to Orono. I didn’t understand, he had no reason to go to Orono, he should be looking for me. Then they told me that he went to see his
other girlfriend. He had apparently been dating someone else for quite some time. I didn’t want to believe them but they showed me pictures and everything. What hurt the most was knowing that he thought of her after the accidents, not me. It meant that he wasn’t just having sex with some other girl, it meant he
loved her. I had the intense desire to kill him, kill myself, or ruin his life. I decided that I would pretend I didn’t know anything and slowly ruin his life (The Count of Monte Cristo is my favorite book). Then I woke up, still feeling the intense despair and anger, but I’m relieved because he’s finally coming home tonight after being away for an entire week. -Posted by Sierra
I'm Posting Too Much
John and I are getting married in a month and 3 days ahhhhhhh! I’m excited! We still need to do so many things… like find someone to make the cake, get a wedding license, get rings, find out what food we’re having, and INVITE PEOPLE HOLY CRAP.
I Want To Kill Him
Wow I think I want to kill him for leaving me this long. I am not a normal human, I cannot do this and I just want to stay in bed all day being mad that he left me for another week.
John Donne, "The Good Morrow"
I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we loved ? were we not wean’d till then ?
But suck’d on country pleasures, childishly ?
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers’ den ?
‘Twas so ; but this, all pleasures fancies be ;
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, ‘twas but a dream of thee.
And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear ;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone ;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.
My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest ;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west ?
Whatever dies, was not mix’d equally ;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.
-Posted by Sierra
On The New Choices.
The reason I wanted a blog together with John was because I wanted readers to see the good and bad of a relationship. The only thing is, John would get mad if I posted anything negative about him. Well I’m going to be honest here: I’m worried that John is just going to go along with this Christian thing just because I’m doing it. I feel like he could go through the motions of it to make me happy but maybe he doesn’t feel a deep desire and purpose nagging within him for this. No, not maybe, I know for a fact he doesn’t feel the same way I do but that’s okay. I can handle that because I don’t expect everyone to believe what I believe or feel the same emotions I feel. I just really wish he felt the same way. I at least know that he’ll respect my decisions and pray/read the bible with me/talk about things/play music with me. He believes in what I believe he’s just lacking the passion for it. Maybe it will come, maybe it won’t. That’s okay… but I still wish we both felt that it was somehow urgent and important. By the way tonight I was tricked by some friends into eating horse radish and I thought I was going to die. Thanks Nancy, for almost kind of killing me but not really since I didn’t even come close to dying at all. Oh and did I fail to mention that John and I aren’t having sex/sexual activities of any kind until the wedding night from this point on? It’s only a month away, it’s not a very long wait. Well maybe it will seem like a long wait for John haha, I don’t know.
Unconscious Affirmation
I had a dream last night that I was getting married to someone. Someone that I didn’t know very well. We were in this line with a bunch of other couples and at the end of the line was someone marrying people. I was fine at the beginning of the line but as I approached closer to the end I began to panic. I looked at this guy and told him not to worry, it was normal for me to be anxious about such a big decision. Then when we got to the end of the line and we were about to get married I turned around and saw John (he was standing behind me with a girl he wanted to marry). I told my guy that I absolutely could not marry him, it wouldn’t make me happy and I didn’t love him. Then I told John that he was the only person I would be happy marrying. He looked relieved and agreed to marry me, leaving his girl and my guy standing around awkwardly. Then I woke up after my 14 hours of sleep. -Posted by Sierra
Dumb
He left tonight. He’ll be in Idaho for the next 7 days. This is
not fun.
The back of John’s head at our picnic today.
I Think I'll Cook Him Dinner Tonight
John is LEAVING AGAIN on Saturday. This time he’s going to Idaho to visit his brother and he’ll be gone for
eight days. I’m too crazy to handle this! -Posted by Sierra
Snapshot
As it neared dusk, I fired up my new grill (which has finally started working perfectly) and made myself a steak. I sat at the glass table on my patio and watched the light wane as I sampled my handiwork. From inside I heard Weezer and Sufjan Stevens playing from my computer. There were no bugs and the air was pleasantly cool. The only sound was the steady rumble of the falls in the river across the sun-warmed street.
Now I am waiting for my fiancee to come home from work so that I can make her some hot dogs. Even though it will be plenty dark when she gets here, I’ll still make her something to eat because I love her. Then I’ll surprise her with some strawberry shortcake that I made while I was waiting for the grill to warm up. Then we can spend the rest of the evening watching movies and playing Wii.
From the moment I turned on the grill I had this incredible feeling of
existing. Not in some dubious spiritual way, but in a way which I only experience once in a great while. I am by no means a busy person, but every now and then when I am trying to slow down by myself, I get a chance to view where I am in life. I happen to love the place and situation I am in now, because I feel a vibrant youthfulness paired with a promise of a good life to come. Given those premeses, who couldn’t feel content?
